As ministers of a sacrament which is constituted by consent and perfected by conjugal union, man and woman are called to express that mysterious “language” of their bodies in all the truth which is proper to it. By means of gestures and reactions, by means of the whole dynamism, reciprocally conditioned, of tension and enjoyment – whose direct source is the body in its masculinity and its femininity, the body in its action and interaction – by means of all this… the person, “speaks.”
– Pope John Paul II, Theology of the Body address, 1984
The person speaks… but oh, sometimes we wish we hadn’t! Words are like arrows shot, once released they cannot return! So think before you fire away. What husbands and wives speak or communicate to each other, in word or in action, should always lead to communion. But sometimes… we slip. And it does just the opposite. Ladies, forgive us our trespasses, for often, we know not what we do! So men, here’s a goofy little reminder of the things you don’t say to your wives, courtesy of Tim Hawkins. Can the ladies come up with a list of things you shouldn’t say to us?
Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category
Things You Don’t Say to Your Wife
October 9, 2009Fireproof Movie
August 22, 2008There is a new film called Fireproof coming out next month that brings a very positive message to marriage and family, and particularly to helping marriages that are failing. On the homepage of the website is a powerful video from the Christian band Casting Crowns (I thought I’d plug it in here). It holds a sobering message and one we all need to hear…. true love takes discipline, hard work, and an unfailing devotion to the beauty and truth of the other. Husbands, let’s make this advice of St. John Chrysostom’s to young husbands as our own!
I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us…. I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.
– CCC 2365
The Death of Marriage
August 9, 2007
DISCLAIMER:
This is not a gloomy post. Sure, the “death of marriage” is a pretty dramatic title, but I just needed to catch your eyes. This one is meant to edify! To fire up husbands and wives and prospective husbands and wives! To lead them up the Mountain of Love that is Calvary, not down some primrose path with a white-picket fence that just feels nice. Those of us in the club know what I’m talking about: the secret to a joy-filled married life is… death.
So yeah…. Today, Rebecca and I celebrate 4 years of marriage… woohoo! So I went digging through the ‘ole journals and this is something I found, written a few months before the BIG DAY…
“I am going to die.” (I was ridiculous back then, wasn’t I?) “It’s not long now; just a couple of months. August 9th, to be exact. I’m getting married. Now this thought may not seem like your traditional “jitters” or cold feet. It’s a wee bit extreme, huh? But it’s true. I am going to die. I am mounting the hill of Calvary, and like Christ, I am called to lay down my life for my bride. His was the Church, mine is a symbol of the Church. But death it must be, if there is to be Real Life in our new life together. This isn’t poetry, it’s reality! To put it scientifically, no two objects can occupy the same space at the same time. In order to become a “one flesh union” we have to die to our old selves. Imagine if this was how engaged couples were viewing their wedding day! It would bring a radical simplicity to the plans, wouldn’t it? “We are going to die… Okay then, I guess we can’t take it with us, as they say. So what do we leave behind? The ego… yes, let’s die to that one. And the “Me First” attitude. That has to go too.”
Marriage is about service to the other (I know this, despite the many times I turn it around). Before Jesus died, He washed the feet of his friends. A couple years ago, we went to a wedding of friends who were once Franciscan Volunteers (they were housemates of Rebecca when she lived and served in Kensington). At one point in the liturgy, they actually washed each other’s feet…. is that awesome or what? We got the point! At our wedding, after Communion, Rebecca got up and sang to me the Servant Song…. it was RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house!
So if this whole marriage thing is a call to die like Christ did for His Bride, to serve like Christ for the Beloved, then we discover that our union should be deeply “Eucharistic.”
A Little Somethin’ from Christopher West
When we receive the Eucharist worthily, it bears new life in the whole of our lives. When we receive it unworthily, we eat and drink our condemnation (1 Co 11:29). Similarly, when spouses open their union to the Holy Spirit, their whole marriage continually bears new life in the Spirit. However, if spouses close their union to the Spirit, they undermine the whole reality of their marriage and their family life. (Read the full article)
It is therefore fitting that the spouses should seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic sacrifice, and by receiving the Eucharist so that, communicating in the same Body and the same Blood of Christ, they may form but “one body” in Christ. – CCC 1621
Now that’s deep stuff. I can only say that I’m beginning to get it more and more. We have a beautiful reminder of this call to Communion in our marriage. It’s a paten…. and was given to us by two dear friends on our wedding day. Our names our written within it. The priest who married us, Fr. Scott, was taken aback when he discovered, right before the wedding mass began, that this was a gift of ours. He had planned to preach on the very idea of this Eucharistic aspect of marriage for us, and saw in his prayer, a silver paten! (play Twilight Zone music here). A paten is a shallow dish or plate that holds the consecrated host, the material that God has transformed into Himself at the words of the priest and the power of the Spirit. Fr. Scott said that’s where we belong, right in that paten. If we keep ourselves there, with the hands of Jesus hovering over the material of our marriage, then we can expect a transformation. Amen to that!
So God help us when we try and wiggle out of that place of transformation, as we so often do. God help all husbands and wives who share in this amazing, perplexing, impossible, crazy collaboration of hearts that is marriage.
Now it’s off to grab some roses and a little vino 😉
…. Cheers!
True Knights – Tuesday’s Radio Show
August 9, 2007
This week’s guest on the Heart of Things radio show was Ken Henderson, founder and president of TrueKnights.org, a ministry “dedicated to leading all men to fight against the increased “pornization” of our culture and take the lead in being True Knights by being sacrificial, spiritual and protective leaders for their families.”
Here’s a list of resources and links we mentioned in the show:
Ken’s website and blog:
E5 Ministry for Men
Theology of the Body
That Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden
Other Resources:
The King’s MenCatholic Men’s Quarterly
Real Catholic Men
Catholic Men’s Ministry of Oklahoma
More Links…. Thanks to the King’s Men Website
www.lionheartapparel.com
www.catholictherapists.com
www.theologyofthebody.net
www.generationlife.org
www.malvernretreat.com
www.xxxchurch.com
www.christlife.org
www.catholicmensresources.org
www.ascensionpress.com
www.christopherwest.com
Ladies out there, we love you and hope that you’ll forgive the times we’ve failed to be men of honor, purity, strength, and grace. If you can think of a man in your life who needs some inspiration and solid connections to other men of faith, then please pass this on!
Love One Another…. That’s It?
May 16, 2007
One of the Gospel readings from daily mass last week had some spiritual dynamite in it. We heard from John, chapter 15:
Jesus said to his disciples: “This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends…. This I command you: love one another.”
I remember hearing a story about St. John the Apostle, who in his older days was exiled to the island of Patmos. Legend says the local community would carry him out each week for prayer, supporting his aging and frail body, like Simons bearing a human cross. Then St. John, the last of the Twelve Apostles, would simply say to the crowds around him “Love one another.”
That’s it.
A new member of the community grew a little impatient with these seemingly tedious and unoriginal sermons, mumbled softly every week. So he asked if John ever said anything else.
“What else is there to say?” said a woman beside him.
Whoa…. what else IS there to say? If we stop and think about all the nonsense, the bickering, the sarcasm, the anger, fear, lust, laxity and indifference in the world, and asked ourselves what’s missing here, what’s the antidote to this poison of angst and indifference, the answer would be love. Oh yes it would.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love. The sad thing is, it’s the only thing that there’s just too little of!
I think sometimes we imagine we know what “luv” is and assume it just hasn’t worked. But remember, it’s not “Be nice to one another, as I have been nice to you.” Laying down your life for someone isn’t “nice.” When Ben Kenobi took a lightsaber for the team and the Star Wars gang escaped from the Death Star, Luke Skywalker didn’t yell “Ben! That was so nice of you!” He just yelled “Beeeeeeeennnnnnn!!!!!”
I’m learning about this real love more and more each day. Marriage is teaching me this in a very real way. Marriage is a school of love. And this can be a messy classroom. More like a workshop actually. I’m learning that I can try to love on my own, using my own tools, but I’m a greedy guy and a selfish one. I think the power tool is always the way to go, but sometimes love just needs a hammer and a nail, if you know what I mean.
When my attempts at real love fail, I turn to Jesus. Here’s the source of Love. When I sit with Him, read the gospels in His presence, letting Him slip in between the words of the scriptures, or let my heart get filled up with Him in the Eucharist…. then BLAM! that power comes too. His power to love.
As Rebecca always says, “It takes three to get married” …. oooo, ponder that one!
I still get in the way, a lot (ask my wife). But I know I must look to Jesus if this love revolution is to be successful, triumphant, victorious! (in me first, then anyone in my vicinity) I think the saints are like love grenades…. boom. They hit those nasty encampments of sin with a dynamo of selfless love, blast ’em with beatific love, and the shrapnel of sanctity goes flying.
Like a peeled orange people look up when real love is in the room. “Who’s peeling an orange?” We smell it and know it, and it diffuses so quickly! Faster than the rancid smell of sin. Love is like a fragrant wine. Is this making any sense?
Maybe I should have just said “Love one another?”
The Heart of Things 